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The Wheel of Health - Relationships
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The Wheel of Health - Relationships



Romantic Relationships - Soul Based vs Ego Based

In this week's blog we're tying up the Relationship segment of the Wheel of Health with the topic of Romantic Relationships.

Traditionally, when two people came together and married, it was for protection, financial security and for the continuity of the clan/tribe.  Today, however, women work, men can adopt children of their own and there's no real 'need' for people to integrate for conventional purposes. As a result, people are coming together more for companionship and connectivity, and this is often where relationships become complex because the rules aren't as straight forward as they used to be.  The types of relationships we see today are varied and include everything from friends with benefits, flings, and emotional affairs to polygamous cults. 

So what is it that dictates intimate relationships? If you grew up in western society, it's very likely that your perspective is based primarily on the needs of the ego or how can this relationship fulfill me?  Robert Burney in his book 'Romantic Relationships - The Greatest Arena for Spiritual and Emotional Growth' asserts that "As long as we believe that someone else has the power to make us happy then we are setting ourselves up to be a victim. It's not possible to understand our romantic relationship patterns without starting to see how our childhood wounding and programming was causal in producing those patterns." 


Chinese medicine can provide great insight into how and where relationship patterns originated because it will often manifest as an imbalance in the body. If, for instance, a woman is suffering from menstrual problems, constipation or hemmorhoids, much of the work that needs to be addressed is located in the Root Chakra.  Her emotional disharmony likely stems from security and survival concerns so she'll have a strong emotional dependence on her partner. Typically more than one chakra will need to be treated, but one is often more dominant than another.

* If you compare Maslow's hierarchy of needs with the Chakra system, you'll notice the similarities between the psychological(Maslow) and the spiritual/emotional (Chakra) manifestations from the bottom wrung to the top level.  (click on the images to enlarge)

Soul-based romantic relationships are becoming something that more and more people are searching for.  They don't necessarily have to be between soul mates**, but they can only occur between two individuals who are firmly grounded.  They know who they are, what their boundaries are and what their expectations are from the relationship.  They come together, not out of fear (insecurity, loneliness, financial gain) or ego (what can this person do for me, fulfill in me), but from a true desire to uplift the other person. Take Roger and Ann, for example, who are a couple that met in Africa while doing volunteer work. There was an obvious initial physical attraction, but what Roger says truly intrigued him about Ann was how committed she was to her work. "Ann was really engaged in what she was doing and I loved the passion that evoked in her. I felt a deep respect and admiration back then that has endured the 10 years that we've been together."  And Ann feels that Roger has always supported her endeavours, no matter how big, small or even crazy they seem.

One of the major differences between a soul based relationship and an ego based one is that the soul relationship focuses on the journey and the lessons along that path. Your partner is your teacher, whereas the ego based focus is on the destination or finding a partner. Recognizing that your partner is a teacher in this human boarding school you're attending will help you learn the lessons you are here to learn and also make parting less dramatic, if that time should come. 

Determining Your Relationship

Ego Based Relationship
Soul Based Relationship
  • Conditions
  • Separation
  • Neediness
  • Blame
  • Control
  • Disempowerment
  • Impatience
  • Insecurity
  • Disrespect
  • Critical
  • Expectations
  • Acceptance
  • Understanding
  • Unity
  • Approval
  • Freedom
  • Empowerment
  • Respect
  • Patience
  • Security
  • Seeing the Divine within your partner

**Soul mates are souls (and there may be several of them) with whom you have shared so many lifetimes that you now resonate at a similar frequency. These are the people with whom you feel an instant connection, a rapport and a sense of familiarity. You understand each other like no one else can, so you both have the ability to help each other reach your highest potential. You're aware of how you complement one another, with each of you bringing something to the relationship that the other is missing. Your soul mates could present in either sex and interact with you in any number of relationships. There is a misconception to think that they only manifest as lovers, but they can also be your partners, parents, siblings, teammates, or friends

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